Nuggets Big Day Away

Today's Nugget's first day at daycare. First day without me at daycare that is. My girlfriend, who runs an amazing daycare out of her home that Nugget and I come once a week to so he can interact with the other kids and I can have coffee with my friend, agreed to take Nugget while I ran errands in the city. The original plan was to take him with me, but since we only strolled against the wind (remember now I laid my car to rest in August and decided to follow Suzie Orman's advice and make due with one car my husband and I could share) to the end of the driveway and turned back yesterday and today was going to be just as frigid, I used my phone a friend life line. I debated and debated what I should do. Take him or leave him. Take him or leave him.
"will you just bring him here and go," my girlfriend said.
But even up until the end, as I'm walking out the door, exhausted from the lack of sleep I got over this endeavor, I'm questioning-take him or leave him. He seems happy enough. He's warm, crawling on the floor with his friends and is smiling. But I know it's got to coming, the moment when he looks around, realizes I'm not there and panics. His poor little heart. He'll be crushed realizing I just left him. As I walk out the door, well more like pushed from my friend, he waves bye at me. I swear I'm going to cry. I wait outside the door to see if he cries and hear nothing. I walk to the train, phone in my hand, waiting for the phone call that Nugget's to hysterical, that I need to come back. But there's just silence. At the city I call.
"How is he?"
"He's great. He and Elsbells are watching Sesame Street. I don't think he knows you're not here yet."
Huh. Nothing. I'm feeling guilty for leaving him and wondering what he's doing and wishing I could be with him, and he's so busy having fun he hasn't noticed I'm not with him! I smile and laugh to myself, though I can't help but notice the stab of jealousy that grips me. My girlfriend gets to watch everything Nugget's doing. She gets to watch him play with the other kids, sit side by side with her daughter and watch them watch Sesame Street together and be a part of everything Nugget's experiencing today.
I quicken my step down the subway and realize if I hurry I can get all my things done in less than two hours and grab the 12:46 train back to LB. I miss my Nugget. I know I complain to my husband from time to time that I need my own time, but the moment I am away from him I can't help but think about him. I wonder what he's doing and with a long sigh I know that I will never get this time back with my family. Sink or swim I'll have all the time in the world when Nugget starts to grow up, Gulp-the thought alone already brings tears to my eyes, when I can focus back on me and my writing career. But for now, tired or not, break or not, writing career or not, I'm willing to sacrifice it all to be with Nugget 24/7. Soon enough, gulp or not, he's going to be the kid that won't hold my hand or let me kiss him in public. So for now, I'll smooch away.