So Back to the Post Partum Thing Again

I had a dream last night, I know again with the dreams. It was my birthday and all my friends were there, including my sister and a few of her freinds. We all got dressed up and were going out for the night. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to dance, to sip a cold martini and to lose total control (of course in the dream I didn't have a 9 month old I had to come home to). Anywho, the night was looking bright, and as I said I was feeling the excitement, but as I came out of the bathroom I noticed my freind MM walking past me in a black dress with sexy heels, loads of makeup on and big gold hoop earrings. She smiled and kept going. When I got back to our table, which oddly enough was in the mall back home in front of Mcdonald's now, no one was there. Just a few lame people I didn't really know that well, but who were all excited to see me and hang out sat across from me asking me what we should do next. Come to find out my friends thought my birthday night was lame and ditched me to go the the city. I didn't even have a ride home. I was so pissed! It was my birthday. MY day. People were supposed to be celebrating me and do what I wanted to do, even if it was lame. And since when did my friends ditch me? I ended up getting a ride home with my sister and was then transported to the beach where my friend JS was hanging out looking for shells. She was in her grey sweats and JETS t-shirt (hollar!). Turns out she didn't go to the city with the rest of the girls because she thought they were lame and she was looking for me. We spent the rest of the night looking for shells and having a long talk about where I've been and why I've been hiding.
I didn't remember the dream until I went for a walk with my son. Just the two of us, well technically just I since he was already passed out and dreaming, alone, with no cellphone (I purposely left it home)and the pretty houses of Walnut Street (I like to mix it up) when I thought hard about the dream. It got me thinking of other things. Important things like how we make a point to go out to dinner at least every other month so we stay connected, how we always celebrate one anothers birthdays together and even more I remembered the last birthday I spent with them-my 30th(I was big and pregnant for my 31st, so we skipped it).
All 15 of us gathered at a nice restaurant in Rockville Center. We wined, dined and feasted on a delicious birthday cake-then we were kicked out. Our loudness had caused quite a distraction among the other diners, in all fairness who puts 15 women in the center of a restaurant at a long table instead of to the side at a round-what did they think we were going to do-whisper?. To make it worse the manager, an angry woman, came over to me as I walked from the bathroom, unaware that the party was for me, and complained about my friends and our disruptive behavior. To get her back my friends sang "Happy Birthday" at the top of their lungs, some would say to the point of screaming, and then asked for the check. Afterwards we stood outside, gathering our group for the next destination-dancing-my fav!-when one of the girls decided to go back in and confront the manager. Moments later one girl turned into another into another, and soon five of the girls were yelling at the manager in front of her boss, who agreed that we were treated improperly, but not letting things lie-we were now no longer asked to leave for the night-we were perminately BANNED! Banned-from a restaurant! Who does that? Apparently we do.
We laughed all the way to the club and days afterwards. Truth be told I'm not one for calm friends. I like them wild, loud and fun. I still smile when I think of that night, and the night that came after. You see I met my friends at a LB restaurant where I worked as a waitress. That's another long story onto itself that maybe I'll talk about one day. Now, when you work at a restuarant some of the perks are that you get taken care of by other restaurants. So since my boss had called in our reservations and made it known that we were the C&R girls coming for a birthday, which was hooked up I might add, I think it might be understated that the sit down meeting we had with him the next night was not taken to kindly-especially when majority of us were hung over.
So back to the Post Partum thing again, why aren't I calling my freinds? Why am I being so distant and so unwilling to let them in my life in a time when I need them, and I know only them would be loving, caring and non-judemental? I'm not sure. And maybe that unsureness is what's going to make me pick up the phone to call them, especially one close friend who's taken this whole thing pretty personal. To LM, or LP as you're now known, I'm sorry. This was never about you.