Please, Don't Let Nugget Be A Holly Hobie

Every night before I put Nugget to bed I talk to him about his day. I tell him I'm proud of him and I tell him how I want him to be himself.
"Don't change who you are for anybody. Do what makes you happy and never compromise yourself."
It's important for me to reiterate this to Nugget every night. I want him to grow up strong, to stand up for himself, to have fun wherever he's at no matter what he's doing and to never take shit from anybody.
In other words I want him to be the person I wish I could be. I hate the fake smiling "Holly Hobie" side that oozes out of me. Creeping up when I want it to draw back, laughing and smiling in its phony way when I want to lash out and tell people which way I think they should go, my "Holly Hobie" side dominates me and leaves me hating myself for letting it rule me. Inside I want to yell at the lady at Starbucks when she makes my drink wrong, instead of slumping away sipping on a scalding hot coffee when its a hundred degrees out and I ordered iced. There's the bossy friend who tries to tell me what to do, the people who say inappropriate things and the ones who are just plain rude, that I want to tell to @@@@ off and remove from my life, but I'm to afraid. I don't want to create rifts, break up a team of 13 girlfriends who've been together through thick and thin, start a fight in a family or cause a crack in the system that leave people questioning if I've finally fallen off the deep end. But I'm starting to get to old for this. I'm starting not to care, getting to tired to make the effort and wanting to cut off all my hair, shred my trendy clothes and let the world see me. This is who I am I want to shout, and if you don't like it you can kiss the two fingers I'm waving in the air.