Time Passes

My friend, we'll name her cheese-because she lives across the street from a cheese store, sent me an email last night that only contained two words-Time passes.
I shrugged this off, busy making dinner and putting Nugget to bed.
Later, indulging myself in a ridiculous large bowl of deluxe ice cream (deluxe includes caramel, chocolate, peanut butter, fudge, etc) the two words came back to me. Time passes. I took this to mean something other than what it was probably meant for. Instead of thinking about the time that's passing with my son, my husband, my family and the friends I've been reluctant to reach out to, I thought about all the projects I've started and said I'd get to later. Like the screenplay I wrote when I lived in Manhattan. The one where I set up a professional (well as professional as my friends apartment could be) reading where friends and family gave me positive feedback. So what did I do with it? Well instead of seeking out an agent and sending it off to a production company I stuck it a drawer and promised I'd get to it later. The same went for the novels I've finished, short stories, poems, sea shell necklaces, organized recipe notebooks, rolls of film and empty photo books for Nugget, writing portfolio and so on. I've been procrastinating my future and time has passed. My career, my future, all sit in a box or in a computer file with a "will do later" note. Yet, here I sit fantasizing about the house I'd like to one day live in, the large family I'd like to have, the yard, the feeling of going to bed without worrying about where my next PAID writing assignment will come from, when the answer and future to all these worries and desires lay in notebooks, or even one notebook in particular that sits across the room from me, that I'm to tired or lazy to pick up and work on. What am I afraid of? That I might miss what's on TV tonight? That I might over exert myself? That I might actually become successful? I start with so much vigor and dwindle down to water when it comes time to put up. Even now as I sit in front of my computer, to lazy to walk across my minuscule living room and get my writing notebook that contains the play Green Bean and I are working on, I'm letting time pass me by. I'm pondering why I don't go after things with avengence and complete them, instead of logging off this blog and working with Green Bean. Who am I kidding. That new show after My Name is Earl is coming on in a minute and I want to sip on a diet coke and eat some Cheese Doodles while I watch it.
I'll work on the play tomorrow-I promise.